About Me
Mark: 8:31-39
31He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. 32He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.
33But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."
34Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35For whoever wants to save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? 37Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? 38If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."
I was thinking about the text, and specifically 'he must deny himself and take up his cross'. I've been reading the AA Big Book, and lo and behold AA has a lot to say about this 'denial'. AA is strong on the diagosis of sin - ie that our problems 'arise out of ourselves' - that we're selfish and self-seeking, etc. . . We're given a 'daily reprive contingent upon the maintance of our spiritual condition' - and 'our very lives as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.' The denial of self boils down to service - that we've been given a second chance on life to help others - not to win a bunch of cash and prizes or to have this 'glorious life' - but to help those who still suffer. It's about serving others; not ourselves - though by servicing others we too are served - another paradox!
It's all a big Chrisitan microchosim - we're saved by grace to serve others by proclaiming the good news (in aa speak - to proclaim that there is a solution to the alcoholic who still suffers...) I think the denial is that which pushes us out and away from our own natural an innate wiring that seeks to serve ourselves. (to be self-justifying/our own Gods as it were) Our default mode as drunks (sinners) is to do for ourselves at the expense of everyone else. For the alcoholic this is life threating,b/c the more it becomes about self again - the closer he is to another drink - and to drink is to die. Drunks get to see the mortal consequences of sin up close and personal. Intense.
So much of the AA solution is about admitting a 'lack of power' (Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.p.45) It's amazing that the solution to the drink is focused on service. Doing the inventory to look at resetnements/fear/past sex conduct - is all about revealing where the drunk is wrong; where he is self-propelled - and pushes him to make 'amends' - to clear wreckage so we can serve others. Pretty cool.
Anyway, I'm rambling a bit, but I guess the crux of what I'm getting at is I think the 'deny himself' is much much deeper than the denial of worldly or physical comforts, but really hits us where it hurts - the denial of our intrisic selfish/self-seeking comforts-the deinal of our own self-diefication or self justification. I see it a lot in marriage - 'love your wife as Christ loved the church' - self sacrifical love - service that hurts - esp. when I WANT to be right/justified.
Some selected excerpts from the "Big Book"
The AA Eleventh Step Prayer a.k.a. St. Francis Prayer
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace
That where there is hatred I may bring love
That where there is wrong I may bring the spirit of forgiveness
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony
That where there is error, I may bring truth
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith
That where there is despair, I may bring hope
That where there are shadows, I may bring light
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather
to comfort than to be comforted
to understand than to be undersdood
to love than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Amen. (AA 12 & 12 p.99)
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. p.20
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. p.77
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Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably
find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. They arise out of ourselves, (ie SIN - my emphasis TB) and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. p.62
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Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.
These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a
mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound.p.14
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My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge hisspiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If
he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that. pp 14-15
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Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic.p.31
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I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots.p.42
But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge .p.39
When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crises we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing.p.53
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody,including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right.He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a
self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each
of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered -- ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? pp 61-62
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. p62
Before we begin (our day), we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. p86
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. p.85